Friday, August 26, 2005
{ freed on
3:58 AM
~***CuRRentLi Soo0pEr dE do0pEr BeEZee COz Of ExaMz n AttachMentS noWadaeZ. Will UpdatE weNeveR frEe aiteZ. TeKKaiRe eVri BodZ. MUUUAKs
Friday, August 19, 2005
{ freed on
2:00 AM
hei hei heY!! had ma stage arts camp laz fri-sun. 1 werd 2 describe it. FANTABULOUS. actuali itz 2 werds merge bcum 1. haha. fuh. we had hell lotsa fun.
FRIDAE (12/8/05)
wif ma heavy "luggage" full of campg stuffz, i rushed 2 skool. az usual,i was late. haha. gt in da line 2 pay da money. luckili hasli came n told me n asz 2 hide our hp. if nt, dey will keep it n ONLI return dem 2 uz at e end of e dae;arnd 12+am. MAK!! tk sanggup aku dipisahkn dngn ma hp! my lyfe. ma syg. so hid it in a secret compartmnt in ma bag. ma own risk lar.hehe.
warmed ourselvez up by playin introductn game. kumaran was lik bloody kiut n funny sak. wen he disturbed ganga n touched her,nizam waz lik,"astaufirullah,MAGRIB nak, magrib!" haha. found out dt dere's anoder NISA in SA. olso in nursing. so pple go arnd collin her nisa(1) n me,nisa(2). irritatin sak,haha.
knw each oder well enuff, cumz da makeup workshp. we had 2 dress our grp member in2 outrageous outfit n CRAZIEST makeup. ma grp; me, ema,jessie,brinda,nadhirah(she came late) n sherry. haha sherry is da model. we hd 2 do half punk n half geek. 4 punk; black eyeliner, standup hair,black lipstick etc. 4 geek; super red round cheeks,ponytailz etc. haha. kesian budak tu kena dera. sipi2 dey wan ME 2 b da model. BUT my layered hair saved me!!
oll da grp's wildest n craziest creations. haha (mine=ornge top wif frilly skirt)
SATURDAE(13/8/05)
wokeup at 6am n mandi cowboi.haha. gathered at 7am n ran arnd da stadum 4 PT.sigh. mcm training camp lak. hd bread 4 breakfast. byk orng complain n grumbled. den cumz dance wrkshop. learned stepz fer janet jckson song. ok,cn manage. BUT tyme dance ngn lagu, MAUT. terkial2 kiter orng. part ripple n pose je we semangat. da beat waz FREAKIN FAST lor. haha. bt norris taught us. part 2 la BEST..hehe. fuyoo.
drama wrkshp nxt. i acted as lesbian n an irritatin gerl whu sux at playin violin. yeah,imagine e screachin sound i hd 2 make.
den suddenli e seniors dim e lightz. sayin,"rem da tyme u sum1 hurt ur heart n u felt so hurt..." one by one, i heard pple weep n wailed. i tot it waz a joke sak. den i dunoe y i cried. tinkin bought yean choi. haiz. y muz she leave diz weld at such a young age. n da dae b4 she waz gone, i waved goodbye to her,nt noein dt she wld b gone da nxt dae. double haiz. ma senior,ridhwan came ovr n saed,"pple cum n go. we muz accept it evn thoa its hard." den, i covered ma face n cried harder. wen i open ma eyez, i saw 4 of ma frenz in front of me, tellin me 2 take it ez. haha. den i realized i waz SUCH AN EMO. huahua. den da seniorz ask uz 2 laugh at ourselves afta dat. siao ar. sheesh.
nxt, we were blindfolded n played "nite walk". tk SERAM LANGSUNG POOON! i knew oll along dt dey brought uz to da stadium. sleepy lik hell, i nearly fell while walkin. n ma senior bhind me kpt steppin on ma slipper until i gt a HUGE scar. urgh. dey kpt uz waitin so long until itz finali ma turn. diz guy(dunoe whu) brought me arnd n swing me arnd until i fell. dah la potek, truz maseh nk make uz dizzy. i fell, AGAIN n maseh dey wana heret me on da floor until get anoder blueblack. haha. overall, itz kinda afun ar. yup. slept arnd 2+ am n hell waz i sleepy.
SUNDAE (14/8/05)had dance wkshp as usual. afta dat, played gamez where i hd 2 dip ma hand into a pail of "cat's vomit" to find 3 polo swits. ma arm smelled muntah fer lik 2 daez. den afta da whole game, da seniorz splashed oll da dirty water on uz. eww. den wen sum1 splashed water on ONE senior, dey oll scolded uz lik shit. bloody tk fair sak. nearli had a heaty argument wif da seniorz. tk respect la,blabla. finali dey apologized.
den we hd a final drama performance n our grp gt 3rd. hmm, nt bad arh. Asz's grp 1st sak. ceh. we distribute oll da switz n evrione hugged each oder b4 we went hm.
on da train, ALONE, a crazie retarded indian man sat bside me n talked 2 himself loudli. wen i smsed, he stared n kpt tolkin in ma directn az thoa he was blabblin 2 me. i waz freakin out. den da man gt up n went 2 da laz cabin. haha AMAN. den i slept sumore. i heard a "click" sound n woke up. in front of me, i saw 2 mly guyz takin ma pic. hey dudez, I WAZ SLEEPING BODOH!. den 1 guy whispered,"oi, kao bodoh pe. die nmpk la. cpt action2 sms la." haha. freakz. wen itz ma stop, i gt up n day waved n saed gdbye 2 me. huh. wadever. mcm2 adek2 kiter ni. oraitez dat it. choaz.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
{ freed on
12:40 AM
first of oll, HAPIE BELATED 15TH BDAE AIN!! *ma sis*. she waz lik jumpin lik hell wen she gt a prezie frm a secret admirer. haha. bangge ar tu. hope she likez da "emily strange" purse i bought fer her. my bdae cumin up nxt mnth. juz cnt wait sia. hehehe.
on national dae, stayed at hm wif familie n relatvez at ma hse. kecoh stiap kali lina dtg. si budak kecik tu da suke kat aku sak. haha. laz tyme, evrityme ma baby cuz saw me,she cry n run awae! wakrakra. nw, she cn even hug n kiss me sae. alah..so cute. caayang lina.muaks.
huh. since dt dae i karaoke-d wif ma bro,my dad owaes kpt buggin"cptkak,nanyi lar,alah malu konon." tts wad ma dad says. ma adk will b lik,"kakak slalu memekak kt dlm bilik,suro die nyanyi ar." den i was forced to sing in front of oll ma relatives sak. peh lah malu. suare katak. abe lagu old skool. ceh. huahuahua. bt i love 2 sing lar.cnt blame ma memekakness.
cnt wait fer da stage artz camp happenin tmr till sun. gona learn oll da diff typez of dance lik janet jackson, jazz etc at da dance workshop. den can see oll da cute seniors*ehem*. asz, kao tau kan sape. haha. ulterior motives.
nxt week da start exam. haiz. boring nyer. nvm,part n parcel of bein a stooden. after dat,cumz attachmt. 10 bux per dae. sheesh. tkp,jadlah. haha.
2 asz, biler kau nk start bbl nagn dier dok? nxt yr? nxt nxt yr? nt at oll? aku ngn nana da tk sbr nk ngk korng 2geder. haha. kao ngn aku same la. nmpk orng yg kiter suke,truz lari. nk ckp pon mcm seram sejuk gtu. at leaz smile la gerl.hehe. sebok je aku. lantak kao la eh gerl. take ur tyme.
haha. ma dear ckp dt aku da jumpe yg baru. n dat i buang him awae. haha. apadah. i waz oso tinkin da same ting sae abt him. he saed he rela lpzkan me juz becuz he duwan me to merana bein wif him. aww how swit. tinkin of ma feelinz even thoa he wun like it. muakz syg u. n abt me sayin oll da bad werds like "fuck" wich u reali dun like, im sorie. i wun sae it again. i promise. love ya.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
{ freed on
8:06 PM
hey hey hey evribodz! ;p
sorie fer da soooper depressin previouz entry. felt lik screamin ma headz off but felt much betta afta lettin it oll out. touched by ma peepz whu showed concerns after readin it. especially asz. i love ya gurl. cnt blieve she went 2 such an extent 2 write me a 5-page personal letter 2 show dat
im not alone. n fairuz kalo i free nk mampos aku collin2 kau ehkz. number pls? haha.erm yups. here r sneak peakz of contents from her letter:
~ assume he noes tt even thoa i dun vocalize hw much i luv hym,
deep dwn i do.
~trouble
xpressin ma feelinz.
~wer nt
transparent. pple cnt c thru uz. s/timez we hv 2 do s/thing 2 show tt u care,2 reassure hym of our feelinz fer hym.
~if we r nt hapi abt stuffz we juz pretend nuttin happen.
too ego 2 show dt we r actuali affected by it.
~abt his ex,she's da past ur da present n if u wana b da future den make da bez out of it n
show ure in EVERY way better den her.
aww.thx darls. appreciate it. ayg,im sorie if u felt disappointed in readin my entries. i noe u tkle terime wen i voice out oll da "pleasant " werds. bt dtz hw i feel. if i were 2 tell u st8t 2 da face, i guez u will juz brush it off az if im
makin a fuss out of nuttin. juz wana tell ya dat
i love u so much. datz da main reason y i go oll out 2 make our rltnshp better. if nt, y do i even bother. trust me.
muahs.
goin 2 da gym later on wif asz. cnt wait fer da stage artz camp diz weekendz. been practisin fer da choreographed stepz fer da dance perfrmnce erm,nxt mnth i tink. hotline by ciara. nyce steps but sial la punye la laju da beat. practicalli we r like jumping arnd sak. haha. melebeh nisa. aite aoutz!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
{ freed on
2:10 PM
fuckin pissed nw. feelin terrible inside. if u guyz can see ma face, u cn c hw masam it iz. nt even a tinge of smile. nt in da mood. feelin
unwanted. feelin lost. useless. anak terbiar lidat.
lonely.poly lyfe kinda sux nowadaes. start late,end earli. wad da fuck. kalo uma aku sbla skola tkp arh. travel long distancez juz fer few hrz of lecturez. freakin BORED sia. gv me sumting 2 do n ill b glad 2 do it nw. anyone, if u hv any planz,coll me!!! pathetically layin eggz ovr here. soo love da feelin of being BUSY. n despize being freee.nana's out wif her guy. asz's out wif adil n ina. class disappeared after lect. whu 2 hangout wit sak?? im NEVER goin hm at diz hr. nt even a soul at hm. n dere'z basicalli nutin 2 do. so here i m,blogging. wad a fuckingli pathetic lyfe. mind ma werdz, cnt help it.
im rotting. feel like talkin 2 ma fingers. slapping maself. wtf.
2dae markz our 8 monthz togeder. seriuzli i dun find any speciality in 2daez date. sumpah ma heart skipped a beat wen he suggests meetin 2dae. feelin excited n oll. finali planz cancelled. wif da lamest excuze ever. ayg,if u're readin diz,im sorrie. i seriuzli hate it if ppl ask me out bt cancel at da laz minute. puaz hati tk ajak kn. nana came ovr n tolk 2 me wen she saw my sooper depressin face. she asked y im nt celebratin our anniversary. even i dunnoe. need sum1 to talk to. everione seemz 2 b rushin off. n me left alone. felt lik cryin inside. hey, im nt a crybaby fyi.y din i pluck up da courage 2 talk to ma deepest crush 2 YRS AGO. egoistic woman i m. y m i sulking ovr it anw? tinkin bck, we cld b a pair by nw. itz juz dat,
arh 4get it. past is past. fated of me n wan to meet. bt y isn't he here bside me wen i
need him the most. y. sumting's buggin me inside. i noe he misses his ex. i noe he styl loves her. even fer abit. bloody lucky of her. fuckin jealouz. 2 b styll in his heart even thou he's wif me. muz b special. njrdfjdnvckjrejncslaf shit. it breaks my heart wen he saed dt mayb dey will b back 2geder in da future. even thoa itz juz a passin remark, it cn hurt feelinz. i may look tough n hard on da outside, bt wad lies inside is veri soft. brittle. fragile. cn crack 2 a million pieces. stay away.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
{ freed on
3:58 AM
true sia. Veri veri true. dun believe? read on and see fer yerselves if u experience da exact feelinz. some kewl factz i got from ida-here.com. so yadayadayada.
Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him. Thinking if he ever cares about u.Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's
him.Looking out of the window hoping that he will surprise u by
appearing downstairs. Laying on your bed,
thinking of the last time u went out together.
Thinking of how nice it will be to be
sitting together talkin bout stuffs.
Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes u to
loneliness.It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.
But missing someone and not knowing if he is feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being left alone. So if u miss someone, tell him and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss u.
Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If u are the one being missed and u know it,
let the other party know. if u miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
{ freed on
4:03 PM
(diz post is dedicated 2 hazwan. hapi 8mnthz diz thurs syg.)
been tinkin alot lateli.
on weder he reali like LIKE me or juz like me. cuttin dwn on da fone cols, da msgez n daes we mit up. nt lik laz tyme where he used 2 fetch me afta skool, chatted fer hourz on da fone n sendin me msgez lik olmoz everi min. missed dt gud old daez. iz it true fer moz guyz;
out of sight,out of mind? wad a tough relationshp diz is, wen neither of ma parentz knew or approve of him.
rem da tyme he sent me hm, ryte up 2 da lift. n wifout uz noein, my bro waz walkin bside uz! nearer 2 him btw. i waz shocked as hell n made a direct u-turn leavin him walkin oll da wae. eheh. noone esp my bro iz suppose 2 c uz 2geder. dear caught up wif me,askin wadz wrong. wen i told him itz my bro,he shut up. waited fer a few minz b4 goin up da lift,hopin my bro wld go awae. saw bro waitin impatientli fer me n i freaked out. wen i finali entered da hse, went straight past him 2 ma rm n locked e door. bro was totali silent da whole dae. had diz glare at me. sheesh. wad a protectv bro.
frm den onwardz, wan din send me bck hm. da tyme i chatted wif him in ma rm n ma mum picked up da fone frm da oder rm. maut. i kept silent leavin him yackin awae. mum shouted "shaifi nga telipon ehk??" she tot ma bro was on da fone wif hiz fren by da sound of a male voice. i slammed da fone.
from den onwrdz, wan din col me at hm. 2 cut da long storie short, our rltnshp iz rather secretive. my parents is so nt openminded. n diz affects our rltnshp. tough eh. been judgin each oder's luv fer one anoder.
he sent me a msg sayin "sayaang ayu. ayu tk kua nari? ayu da mkn lom?" i replied tinkin dt he was bein manje by typin ayu instead of 'u'. he msged bck sayin salah antar n waz meant fer his fren. NOT ME. hot beb. asked him whu da HELL is ayu. he kept brushin da issue aside sayin juz a fren. yela, fren smpai ckp
sayang sme eh. kept tinkin bt it da whole nite. on wad i lack as his gurl.
tried 2 dig tingz out from him. abt AYU. finali he confessed. sayin ayu tingy waz a fake. she doesnt
exist. he made up da msg n lied 2 see ma reaction 2werdz it. n nw he's convinced dt i DO care bout him n gets jealous. coz itz hard fer him 2 c ma feelinz wen i hardli express dem. haha. ya got me boi. *raises up both armz,muke paisey* muah love ya. we cn make it thru syg.
I am worth, $98756,190