"how i wish i could turn around and leave." is becoming a common phrase. the fact that she's bonded made it worst. having to overcome 3 long years in that current situation doesn't help at all. u feel like ur waking up and having to go through a tough ride. i completely understand. patience is your bestfriend.

been there, done that babe. i've gone through countless expressions in my short working experience. like you, ive swallowed harsh criticisms and hurtful comments. im a more introverted person, my real life is going on inside my head. nobody can guess my inner feelings beneath that calm and blur face of mine. ive bowed down to humans who are clueless about their temperamental nature. at times, to an extent that my sef-esteem died on me. i felt small and hoped to make them eat their own distasteful words.

yes, it is a cruel world out there. there's no end to politics. u can never put a stop to it. in fact, it is everywhere. i've learnt to force myself to deal with the situation, rather than escape from it. HELL to all those conflict-creating humans out there, damn you. may you fix that twisted brain and scrub that rusty heart of yours. live up to the good name of professional nurses, if you still have the tiniest interest to be in this line. if not, search within your souls and get a job that suits the real you. i guess till then will we spread some peace and loving around.

so hey babe, think of the positive side. think of all the great people who praised you, gave u endless strength and support. think of the bumpy ride u had that leads u to where you are now. tink of the great buddies who paint some fun colours in your life and made work less boring. think of the patients etc who gave sincere smiles to appreciate your kind gestures.

as for me, i always remind myself that "i am here for my patients."

and thats all that matters.

have faith my nurses.

he had all the plans laid out in mind... all i could do was listen. rarely did i gave any constructive suggestions or add-ons to the discussion. thats cos he always plans ahead while me, had little thoughts about the whole thing. one can make a better decision through experience, i guess. through the years, the minds gets more settled.

well, flashing back about this whole future thingy, kinda make me sit up straight and think. wat future lies ahead of me? to wat extend must i slog, scrimp and save up now to secure a comfortable life? wat are my targets and how long must i achieve them? am i prepared to face and overcome the challenges that lies ahead? all these questions running through this brain of mine.

sometimes i feel guilty cos dear is making more sacrifices for US then i am. financial wise, he is giving up alot for himself and investing so much on me and our future. so much so that he is willing to save more than half of his pay while me, nowhere close to that. on my part, it made me look as though im just waiting for miracles to happen. but reality check, i need to take this issue into serious consideration. i cant and wun allow my dear to bear the load alone. i need to step in. somewhere, somehow.

i had plans of my own too, to have my own target within a certain amt of yrs. by 2010, i would hope to take up an advance diploma or a nursing degree preferably as a full time course. by then, i would be more settled to think abt other major life commitments eg: marriage etc. that is another issue that i need to plan out for. not now that is, but to ensure that i will be stable financially and emotionally by then. having to rely on others or my parents is totally out of the question. i have only myself to depend on for building my own future. life is what you make of it.

as the saying goes, "time and tide waits for no man."

hmmmmm...............

missed them loads. missed the rest too. tym well spent! :)

shopping on our next pay bebs? thats wad we do best ryttttee. plus chill and laugh and catchup and bitch and camwhore and just hangout like the good old days. AKU RINDUUU.

p.s. love ya babes.

felt so shagged. dunnoe why. prolly cos last nite was admitting day. BMU send cases one by one occupying the male beds. dah takde keje. da plak tu the male BMU staff sound so gatal over the phone. puh-lease! how i wish i can just say NO to the admissions. or say, "sorry eh pls send another day." haha!!

da plak tu the HO on-call is like so chapalang. asked him to order some nasal swabs but he said," u nurses can order urselves rite." HELLO. if we could do that then there's no NEED for me to consult you lar eh. duh. -_-. wen asked to isolate patient cos of droplet precaution, he said, "up to u all lah." and the way he walks and talks is like sloppy. jadi doctor appearance and grooming mesti UP sikit okey.

and duno why yest sway-sway cannot take blood. only managed to get some. geram sendiri ah. HO said," the veins is bulging in front of my eyes leh." haha! wats wrong with me xia.

one patient asked one of us to remove the nebuliser mask wen it run dry. me, zah and jane looked at each other. since when did any of us give neb to him?? till now question unanswered. -_-

deepest condolenses to atok 11/4 who passed away during my night. he has been fighting to stay alive for weeks but he gave his last breath that night. (setoppit eh kwee yen for saying that he was waiting for me. -_- ) there was heavy rain and lighting flashes. guess 'langit pun turut menangis dengan pemergiaannya'... tuhan lebih menyayangi dirinya.

ni lah keje orang takde keje time tengah keje. hehhehe.~

wana sleep liao! adios amigos....

insecurities is not in my dictionary. never ever. never ever ever.

nyahahahaha!!

You change your mind,
Like a girl changes clothes,
Yeah you, PMS,
Like a bitch
I would know.

And you over think,
Always speak,
Crypticly.

I should know,
That you're no good for me.

Cause you're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white,
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up,

(you)You don't really want to stay, no.
(but you)But you don't really want to go-o.

You're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in and you're out,
You're up and you're down,

We used to be,
Just like twins,
So in sync,
The same energy,
Now's a dead battery.
Used to laugh bout nothing,
Now your plain boring.

I should know that,
You're not gonna change.

Cause you're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white,
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up.

(you)You don't really want to stay, no.
(but you)But you don't really want to go-o.

Someone call the doctor,
Got a case of a love bi-polar,
Stuck on a roller coaster,
Can't get off this ride,
You change your mind,
Like a girl changes clothes.

{CHORUS}
Cause you're hot then you're cold,
You're yes then you're no,
You're in then you're out,
You're up then you're down,
You're wrong when it's right,
It's black and it's white,
We fight, we break up,
We kiss, we make up.(x2)

(you)You don't really want to stay, no.
(but you)But you don't really want to go-o.

.....................................................................................................................................

~*im luvin my life wif my current one though.*